 |
| Via |
Lately, I've been struggling with trying to figure out what I want to do in life regarding pregnancy and babies. My biological clock slowly came to life and started ticking at around 21 years old when I saw the cutest baby wearing an old man style fishing hat in the mall I was working a retail job in. That was the first time that I actively felt that I wanted a baby.
Obviously, at 21 years old, only a year into my relationship with my now husband, Tim, living with my grandparents, and working a part time job, I was in no way ready to have a baby. But, still... I felt it.
Do any of you know what I'm talking about? It's like butterflies, but in my uterus. If not, then just ignore that crazy statement and keep on reading.
That one time Igottahaveababynow feeling stayed away for another couple years and then when I was 23 and engaged, it would come on off and on randomly when I was in the presence of a cute kid or saw a super small pair of socks in a store.
 |
| Or photographs like this Via |
But still, there was always this safeguard of not being ready in other aspects of my life to keep me from actually trying to get pregnant. At that time, it was being engaged and planning our wedding, while trying to go to school and work a full time job that required an ugly commute.
Flash forward to now... I'm 25, working part time by choice (mine and my husband's choice that is), married to the man of my dreams, with some money saved, and we just got the first year of marriage under our belts, to boot.
Baby time?
You would think the answer would be yes, but I'm not so sure. There's a few things. Number one, I'm an indecisive person by nature. When it comes to big life decisions, I kind of stall out, freak out, sleep to avoid it, and then eventually choose what I think is best. But then once I choose, I second guess for a while before being at peace with it. So, throw having a baby into the mix? That indecision gets overwhelming. We're not talking about a house plant here. We're talking about a living, breathing, teeny, tiny human being that Tim and I would be responsible for. That's a huge thing. But on the other hand, it's Tim and I and I have full confidence in our bond, our marriage, and our commitment. We could handle having a baby. We don't know anything about babies, but we would figure it out together. And then suddenly, it doesn't seem SO scary. It almost seems feasible. Almost.
Secondly, timing. How do you ever know if anything is the right time? Especially when it comes to something as astronomically huge and life changing as bringing another person into this world? Some articles I've read say to wait until you've been married 5 years to have children. Some say start as soon as possible. I don't buy into the concept of a one timeline fits all kind of marriage, but I also don't know what our timeline should be. Does that mean that now (or soonish) isn't the right time? Or does it just mean that I'm over thinking it?
 |
| Via |
A part of me wants so badly to be a mother and every time there has been a scenario in the past that has caused me to take a pregnancy test, a little bit of myself always hoped to see that positive sign, even when it was definitely not good timing. Another part of me though, a bigger part, is OK if it doesn't happen. When I married my husband, it was because I love him and want to build a life with him. It wasn't to have babies. That would just be an added bonus.
So where does that leave me? Right back where I started. Completely confused.
Mommas and Mommas to be out there: How did you know it was time?
Not yet pregnant ladies: Do you feel any of this confusion?
16 comments:
I definitely feel the confusion. I think I was brought to Earth to be a Mother.. at the moment though, I know it isn't the right time. I am still studying and S and I aren't married. He wants to be a Father too and we think it might happen in 3-4 years. A good timeframe for us, I think
We had been married 2.5 years when we started trying. For many reasons I had always wanted to be a young mother. Having a baby was something my hubby and I talked about pretty much from the beginning. I came to the conclusion I was ready before he was, so we waited. Then eventually we choose a date to go off birth control and start trying.
My big suggestion is to really just talk it out (which I'm sure you're already doing). Like you said, one specific timeline doesn't work for everyone. I'd say if you're both ready then go for it. If there are things you'd like to do that would be made impossible or extremely difficult with a child, then wait it out awhile longer.
When the time does come it will be amazing!
I have to say, I really just love having Adam all to myself! That might sound selfish but it's wonderful being just the two of us (plus our furbabies). I loved working with children, but I just don't have the urge to have a child of my own.
-Sharon
The Tiny Heart
I feel like I could have written your post! I feel confused about it all the time!
I don't think that we ever felt like there would be a "right" time, because something else always comes up, so me and the husband just decided to see what happened if we went off birth control. If it happened it did, and if it didn't it didn't. Lucky for us it happened :) but not for over a year later.
we definitely want children but are fine putting it off for as long as possible. There's still so much I want to do--like mostly travel with my husband--and I feel like I wont be able to do that if we have kids any time soon. Honestly, I really enjoy being selfish right now and enjoying this time with my husband and our dog. We will have kids, but maybe 3 years from now (i'm 28 right now)
I am 31 years old been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years and I get asked all the time when I am going to have kids. ALL THE TIME. Even my boyfriend's baby's momma ask's me when we are going to have kids. I want to have kids so bad and I have the flutters in my stomach when I see babies but then I think about how happy I am when it's just me and my boyfriend at home... Then my mind changes. I think we are just have to jump into it :)
OH I feel you!
I make decisions EXACTLY the same way.
Now seems perfect, but is it? Shouldn't we be married longer? And I'm only 23, isn't that too young?
I try just to ignore what others have told me, what society tells me, and just listen to what's meant to be for my husband and I.
In short, I understand.
Oh my goodness, I can totally relate! Though right now is definitely not the right time for my hubby and I to have a baby, I still get that baby fever occasionally. & I find myself really wanting to have a baby soon after I graduate college, but it'd probably be better to wait.
Lovely post! Everyone says that you will never be fully prepared for parenthood...that you just have to go for it and everything will work itself out. My husband and I are definitely big planners but I think we've come to the realization that we just have to go for it, and make things work for it. :)
I know what you mean. I am also indecisive about any big decisions. I know for me, my husband and I are deciding to wait quite awhile (Lord willing). I am almost 27 and I still don't feel ready to raise a person for the next 20-30+ years. There are still so many things I want to do and experience before I move to that step. You and your husband need to decide together what you want and when is right. But I get all gooey-eyed over babies too. =)
xx, alisia e
This has been my EXACT thoughts lately (and was actually thinking of writing a blog post on it but didn't want all my friends and family suddenly thinking I was going to have a baby! ha ha). I'm at a similar stage to you (kind of- 24, married 2.5 years) and having very similar thoughts, however I just don't know if I will ever NOT think of it as a huge leap into the unknown. Is it like marriage and you just KNOW when the timing is right??
I agree with many of the other women here- I just don't want to share my husband! ha ha
Samara
My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 1/2 years and from the beginning neither of us wanted kids and we knew pretty much nothing about babies. And then one day I told him I wanted to have a baby and 9 months later, we have Calliope.
I think if you spend too much time thinking about it, pretty soon you just run out of time. It's definitely something that you just have to jump into and learn as you go along but it's been amazing and I don't think I'd do anything different if I had the chance.
This conversation is hard. My hubby and I get asked all the time when we will have kids, and I always want to slap them for asking. So personal! I do have the baby fever, but I also see my friends with their kids and I have to say, I love my freedom, and being able to be selfish with money. And I love vacation. But then I see the Mister with our friends kids and I want that. Right now. And don't get me started on freaking Pinterest and all of their stinking cute baby photos and nurseries.
Totally on the same page as you! I just created a very similar post here:http://theaustinfamilydiary.blogspot.com/2012/06/ive-caught-fever.html
I'm a new follower and would love for you to follow me back. I can't wait to journey through the future of parenthood together!
There's never a "perfect" time to have a baby, but I will say this, having had 4, you never, ever regret one once they're out & in your arms. I've never met an older woman who said, "I shouldn't have had that last kid," but I've met a ton of women, who tell me, "I should have had one more." My other advice is consult the husband, when I was debating the issue, my husband said, let's go for it.... that was all the confirmation I needed, (but then it took us 2 years to get pregnant! So consider that the timing is never really in our human hands,it's in Gods).
Post a Comment